Kate from Melbourne, Australia, asked:
Hello Julie from Australia!
Over the past few days I have been magically guided to your work and think you’re amazing.
I have felt an incredibly strong urge to send you a message to ask a question with the hope that you can help me. I’m 39, single, feel so incredibly lost in my life and don’t have a sense of purpose.
I am not depressed or have any mental health issues and feel very in touch with my spiritual side yet I haven’t been able to figure out my path.
Often, I feel like I’m on the verge of some sort of breakthrough or something really big is going to happen but I just never get there.
On top of all this, I’m wondering where my partner is. Every time I go on dates I meet people with qualities I like and then take all those qualities and try to put them together to find the right person. He still eludes me.
Sorry my question is so long-winded. I had this really big urge to reach out to you and I really hope you can connect with me. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
Kindest regards,
Kate
Hi Kate,
Thanks for your kind words and question.
It sounds to me like you’re on exactly the right path in learning your life’s purpose and finding your life partner.
Most of us believe we’ll wake up one day and know what to do with our lives and hope Prince Charming will show up at about the same time. Good luck with that!
What usually happens is, we figure out our life’s purpose as we experience life events that help us realize what inspires us and creates joy in our lives.
Keep in mind, for over 600 million years as we’ve evolved, our brains have been hardwired for negative thinking in order to keep us safe. In fact, “negativity bias” is a well-studied concept in psychology circles. Professor John Cacioppo, PhD, while at The Ohio State University, did a study where he showed subjects pictures of pleasant (pizza), neutral (hair dryer) and negative (dead cat) things and then recorded the electrical activity in their brains as they looked at each photo.
Dr. Cacioppo concluded the brain reacts more strongly to stimuli it deems negative. In other words, there is a greater surge in brain electrical activity when confronted with something unpleasant. This means our attitudes are more heavily influenced by negative things including being hard on ourselves for not knowing our life’s purpose. Before we know it, our brains are in an endless negative loop and we’re miserable.
So, let’s pivot to what you can do to assist yourself in finding your mate and figuring out what brings you a sense of fulfillment.
First, do your best to form a habit of looking for how everything is happening FOR you. When you’re feeling a negative emotion, immediately go to a place of curiosity. How will this enhance my life? What will I learn? How will this play out?
Once you’re in a curious state, you’ll be inspired to think another thought. It’s the pattern of those inspirational thoughts that will lead you to find what interests you. And what interests you always leads to your life’s purpose.
This technique will also lead you to your life partner. Do I like his personality? How is spending time with him benefiting me? Does it make me happy? What characteristics would I prefer?
Do your best to stay neutral and refrain from judging people and events. Imagine you’re on the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz movie. As you head towards the Emerald City, different bricks will light up showing you the way. You may be inspired to step on a brick that will land you in a field of poppies or get chased by flying monkeys. The situation isn’t good or bad, it’s just an experience on your path to Oz (enlightenment).
Life is an adventure, enjoy the ride and remember, like Dorothy, you (like all of us) are wearing ruby slippers which give you all the magical powers you’ll ever need. Expect to be delighted along the way and you’ll create the life you desire.