Toni from St. Cloud, MN, asked:
Hi Julie,
My ex-husband Clancy suffered a left-brain stroke. When I visited him, he was severely dehydrated and not being fed. I spent the last two long weekends by his side at the hospital, offering hydration and nutrition. I saw real improvement and his spirit seemed stronger, more present.
But then, I couldn’t be there for five days. That’s all it took for him to pass. None of the nutritional support I had left for the staff to give him had been used.
Was it his time? Does he know I love him? Does he forgive me?
Thanks,
Toni
Hi Toni,
My deepest condolences to you and your family on Clancy’s passing.
In hospice and end-of-life care, it’s common for the body to naturally begin shutting down in the final days or weeks. Often, patients lose their ability, or desire, to eat or drink. While this can be deeply distressing for loved ones to witness, it’s typically not painful for the person transitioning. In fact, offering food or fluids at this stage can sometimes cause more discomfort than ease.
To get answers for you, I connected with Clancy’s spirit and asked your questions. He said, without hesitation, that it was absolutely his time to go. Yes, he knows you love him and he loves you too. And there’s nothing to forgive.
He went on to say you did everything perfectly, including not being there at the very end. It made his transition easier. He explained that passing without fluids or nutrition helped his body surrender gently. Just like all of us know how to be born, our bodies also know how to die.
Lastly, Clancy wants you to play your records when you miss him. He said the music will help soothe your soul and bring you closer to him.
Please know Clancy didn’t die alone. He was surrounded by angels, and by the spirits of loved ones and pets who had already transitioned, just as I describe in Angelic Attendants: What Really Happens As We Transition From This Life Into the Next book. Here’s a link to a free digital and audiobook version (Spanish edition too).
I hope this brings you comfort and peace.
Sending hugs,
Julie
3 thoughts on “Did He Know I Loved Him”
Thank you, Julie! This is such an important topic for so many people.
My sister and I sat with my father as he seemingly struggled at the end – 31 years ago. All we could do was be with him and moisten his mouth with glycerin swabs. For years, I though that we didn’t do enough to keep him hydrated and so hastened his death.
Once, as I took his hand to reassure him (or myself), he looked at me and asked “Mama?” and forcefully pulled his hand away. I put that down to delusion at the time, but have learned so much about life and “death” since then. His support group was already there for him.
Shortly after my sister and I returned to my home – me to look after my toddler and her to get some rest, my dad left us. Our presence had been keeping him on this side because we weren’t ready for him to leave.
Physical death is an integral part of life which we would be bested served to view as a graduation worthy of celebration.
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