Bertha in Central Islip, NY, asked:
Hi Julie,
I love your podcast so much and although this question is silly, I just need some relief.
My boyfriend and I broke up this week and I’m heartbroken.
It wasn’t because of something bad, just that his job got very demanding. This caused him to be tired and stressed. He is also going to take classes and temporarily move away (from Long Island to Brooklyn). Since he can’t make us a priority, he feels it’s best for us to go our own ways.
He mentioned we can find each other in a few years when his job is more stable and he moves back to Long Island.
My question is, should I even entertain the idea of us getting back together?
Thank you for your input and for your show!
Bertha
Hi Bertha,
So sorry to hear you’re hurting after the breakup with your boyfriend. That’s something most of us go through multiple times in our lives and it’s never easy.
As for whether you should wait around for him with the hope his job becomes less demanding, he has more free time, and he moves back to Long Island, here are a few thoughts for you to ponder.
The old saying, “If you love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be,” applies in your situation.
Psychology Today says, “What is behind this old saying? Some interpret it as a description of fate. Only fate can determine whether a relationship was meant to be. So, if you let someone go, they will come back if that’s your destiny.
For those of us who don’t believe in determinism, this explanation does not ring true. A better interpretation is that you cannot force someone to love you. You have to give them the freedom to choose.” I tend to agree with the shrinks.
As you may know, I’m a volunteer sorority advisor at the University of Alabama and have had countless chats with girls in your position who’ve recently broken up with their boyfriend.
My advice to them is the same I’m giving you. Just remember one four-letter word … NEXT! Who’s next?
Get on with your life and if you and your former boyfriend’s paths cross, see how you feel then. It’s common for people’s lives to unfold in ways that make what was once a match, not make sense anymore.
Lastly, when I asked Spirit’s guidance about whether it was in your best interest to wait for your former boyfriend, the answer i “got” was NO!