Addict Boyfriend

Christina from Roberts Creek, BC, Canada, asked:

Hi Julie,

I often feel great with my boyfriend Zac, and at other times I get a strong feeling that he is keeping something from me. 

He has had a Meth, Heroin, and Fentanyl addiction which causes a lot of problems between us.

Can you check in with him and see what he is hiding? I know that sometimes he smokes weed and want to know if I’m missing anything.

Thanks so much!

Hi Christina,

Thanks for submitting this question. Unfortunately, it’s one many people have either experienced themselves or know someone whose life has been affected by addiction.

The most important thing to remember is you didn’t cause Zac’s addiction, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it.

When I ask if Zac is still using addictive substances, I “get” a YES. And when I ask if Zac lies about his using, I also “get” a YES.

Even though some addicts are highly functional and appear to lead a normal life, every addict is good at manipulation, lies, and creating drama to deflect attention away from their substance abuse. All of this behavior makes the sober partner question their suspicions and sometimes even their sanity.

In addition, many sober partners become what’s known as co-addicts enabling and covering up for the addict in an attempt to help them. Unfortunately, co-addicts can ruin their own lives in the process of trying to protect the addict.

Now, here are a couple of suggestions:

-Trust your intuition. If you’re feeling like Zac is keeping something from you, he most likely is. Our internal guidance systems rarely mislead us.

– Consider consulting with an addiction specialist who can help guide you through this situation. There are lots of resources online like recovery.org where you can find resources in your area to help you.

And always remember, you can only control your own thoughts and actions, so take care of yourself first. Think of how flight attendants tell passengers to put on their oxygen masks before attempting to help another person.

Sending hugs!